The beginning of Christmas.
It’s a week before Christmas and I feel like a bag of dicks.
I fell asleep on the couch last night watching an SNL Christmas special. I woke up at six in the morning and without brushing my teeth I went directly to bed and slept until ten-thirty.
If I wake up with unbrushen teeth it pretty much sets my day off as miserable.
Why did I do that?
You can’t brush your teeth before having coffee…it would just veto the newly polished bone, and would make that first cup taste not quite so medicinal in that sort of way that you need that sip to get your nerves just right enough to face the day without a foggy cloud of dreams floating in your eyes.
I had planned on getting up early and getting the last of my Christmas shopping done, make a few Christmas cd’s for family and then wrap some gifts and go to visit my Grandpa Ed who is apparently in town today before heading off to California with my dad and his partner - and when are they going? I really don’t know.
I haven’t called, he hasn’t called, I know exactly where this is going…
“Hey Heidi, it’s your Dad calling…Just letting you know we’re in town for a couple hours and if you’re available to hang out with us and your grandfather before we take off give me a call, if not, Merry Christmas. I’ll try calling you later, bye for now.”
That will be a voicemail left for me on Sunday morning while I’m at work and I’ll completely miss them and it will suddenly make me feel guilty, despite the fact that I recently decided that a ‘NO GUILT!’ motto was essential in my family life. I choose to not call them and they choose to not call me for a reason, right?
I know that’s a bit of a cop out but seriously. We are totally emotionally and conversationally retarded on that side.
Enough about family though,
I feel gross because I ate a bunch of Slowpokes (cheap version of Turtles) right before falling asleep.
Sugar hangover.
And now I feel as though I have already helped contribute to the double chin I’ll gain over the Christmas holidays without even trying to resist.
