Turkey vs. Ham
Evan
did you eat turkey yesterday
Heidi
ham! easter is for ham
and it was delicious.
Evan
yeah ham’s alright.
Heidi
no way!
Evan
i like turkey.
Heidi
ham is like, 100% better than turkey
Evan
woah
i seriously can’t believe you just said that
Heidi
really? i can
I mean, I like turkey when I’m eating it or whatever
but I prefer ham. Hands down
Evan
are you pulling my leg? i mean, hams ok but seriously turkey is better. you’re wrong.
Heidi
no, I’m not wrong. I’m right. Turkey tastes like dirt and nothingness, like the turkeys are fed dirt pellets mixed with sawdust
even when the turkey is cooked to perfection, I am still like, “this is ok.” even when the turkey is free range and grain-fed, I am still like, “this is ok.”
Evan
ham’s too flavorful. it makes me want to barf. turkey gravy is delicious. and it’s better for you.
Heidi
are you kidding? look at a turkey meal vs a ham meal. okay, with turkey you have the turkey, stuffing AND the gravy, with mashed potatoes and maybe some brussel sprouts or whatever with cheese sauce
with ham, you don’t get gravy or stuffing, you may have scalloped potatoes and salad, with corn and green beans. And never forget the hot mustard
Evan
brussel sprouts are delicious.
Heidi
ham meals are better for you
hands fuckin down
more soluble fibre…still fatty, but less fat
Evan
i’ll admit that the gravy and fixins do add alot of fat and calories to the turkey meal. but i still prefer the flavor overall. hot mustard is a definite plus for ham. but i love gravy so much. i’ll tell you something though, i love ham in sandwiches. just not as a meal in itself.
Heidi
you just said that turkey was better for you!
why don’t you just make a gravy shake if that’s what it is that you like so much?
Evan
turkey by itself is technically better for you, i already admitted that with the fixings it isn’t.
Heidi
yes. maybe.
are you still going to make turkey?
Evan
yeah, i love turkey. sorry, i was just contemplating the idea of a gravy shake.
when you recontextualize gravy in that way, it definitely makes me think twice about what it is i like so much about gravy.
i think i might hate gravy now.
Heidi
it is just fat and cornstarch
which is why I like it, personally. Gravy is one of the best parts of the turkey meal
that and the stuffing
i could pass on everything else
Evan
hmm.. even potatoes? personally, my favorite thing with turkey is a type of german noodle, called spaetzle. i will try and make some when i make a turkey
we can listen to polka music while we eat
Heidi
what is in the noodle dish?
flour and butter?
ha, haa.
Evan
that’s basically it. but i swear, it’s delicious. even though it kind of tastes like nothing. once again, thank you gravy
Heidi
I can’t wait to eat one of your dinners.
I am never going to lose any weight, I’m sure of it
Evan
everything on the plate will either be brown or cream colored
