Dear Diary,

I came home to this

Mon, 17 May 2010 22:07:58 -0400

I came home to this

in reference to socialising

Sat, 15 May 2010 01:45:13 -0400

I sure am a winner tonight - It’s 10:30 and I’m in bed.
Wallowing in my own self pity. I am the creator of my own demise.

But on the bright side, someone on the bus said that it’s better to be crazy and interesting than sane and boring. It was a good point, considering about 85% of the bus was insane, and laughing and talking and telling jokes and smelling only a bit bad for it being such a hot day.

And lately, possibly because I’m in more of an intimate relationship, I’ve realized that maybe I am a bit crazy. For real, like.

That’s enough now

May 14th, 9:12 AM

Fri, 14 May 2010 12:28:48 -0400

It is nice when you wake up first thing and pull the curtains aside to reveal bright blue sky and a sun that casts it’s warmth on the sidewalks and the tops of houses.
It’s also nice to wash your face while the coffee brews, with the radio on in the background, voicing the news that you aren’t actually listening to.
It is also so nice when you open the door out to the yard and step out in your pyjamas, walking along to retrieve the bowl left out the night before, your feet in the cool, dewy grass and the new plants are all perking up in the garden.
And as you walk along you notice there is someone else back there, in the yard, wearing the exact same pyjamas as you. A mirror?
Grey shirt, grey long johns. Today it just so happened to be Aaron wearing the same pyjamas as me, and really, that is a particularly happy moment right there.

He leaves a week tomorrow.

Party Never

Wed, 12 May 2010 02:26:00 -0400

There comes a time when you don’t want to live in a house that has parties anymore.
I’m there, right now.
The guy that lives next to us had his roommate ditch out on him - he’s now out $500 some odd dollars. Bummer for him, right?
He thought it would be a great idea to have a kegger/house show with a couple of bands this weekend to help raise some money to pay rent.

The thing is, who’s stoked on this? Not-fuckin-me, that’s who.
I work weekends. At nine in the morning. I get up at seven-fucking-thirty. If I go out, at least I can come home to a relatively quiet place to lie my head down in.
I know I live in a house full of people who have the weekends off, and I’ve learned to adjust to living with having some people drinking and talking over my head on the nights I need to get sleep. But…not exactly stoked on having a kegger with some shit bands playing in a house that has no insulation between it’s walls and I’m certainly not stoked on the messy-ass yard that we’re going to be dealing with the next day. We probably have one last summer in this lovely back yard! We’ve been working on the garden! I don’t want some twenty-something drunk ass punk puking on my peas, thanks.

Fucking guy!

one thing

Fri, 30 Apr 2010 17:32:11 -0400

if there is one thing I can’t give up, will never for the life of me sacrifice this great sensual pleasure, it would be baking some sugary delight in my oven.
baking anything in my oven, for that matter.
For most of you who read this, you’ve never seen my fucking oven, but you should. It’s this tiny convection oven that I bake (small) cakes, cookies, loaves and roast my vegetables in. It’s bigger than a toaster oven, I’ll give you that - but this baby works wonders.
When I first acquired this fine little electronic masterpiece of heat, I had just moved into this place. Last June. It’s a one bedroom suite without a stove. It had one at some point, but now it doesn’t in order to keep it part of the upstairs apartment (I live in a house, in a basement). Keeps rent cheap, oh, and did I mention this suite was illegal until the crazy bloke who lived here reported the landlords to the city. Wah! Oh well, I made due. Sean (lives next to me) mentioned that Todd (guy who lived in here before myself) left his convection oven in the storage space and that I could use it.
So, I dug it out.
It was fucking awful. Todd threw it in there with food and grease still stuck all over it, and it had grown mold, changed the color of the roasting pan that was in there, and reeked of dank.
I left it outside to dry out for a week, and finally mustered the courage to clean that bitch out. Ever since, I’ve been emotionally scarred and forever grateful that this thing happened to be around.
Right now, in fact, I’m baking banana bread that is smelling up the entire house with happiness and bringing it over to my nice gentleman friend’s house to have with tea.
X

a few things

Thu, 29 Apr 2010 13:06:41 -0400

- our house is going up for sale today. I am only bummed out a little bit, apparently the house has already been sold a few times since some people have lived here - the likelihood of this place getting torn down and redeveloped are slim. I just don’t want to see another back yard in Vancouver disappear. I want to live like a real person.

- if I were to write like anyone, it’d be J D Salinger. I remember thinking this when I read Nine Stories a few years back, and I just picked up a copy of The Catcher in the Rye at Pulp Fiction - his writing is so wonderful. I want to name my son (if I ever have kids) Holden.

- speaking of children, St Paul’s Hospital has installed a new space for mother’s to leave their unwanted babies. Once you leave your newborn child in this cradle, an alarm will alert hospital staff thirty seconds later that a baby has arrived (sans mom). This makes me think of olden days. But not so fast, moms! I don’t think you are allowed to leave any of your growing children (like ages five, six, seven…). Plus your kid would know where they live and what their mom’s name is.

limits

Wed, 28 Apr 2010 13:08:00 -0400

I can’t breathe! Can’t figure out if it’s anxiety or the air being full of allergens that I’ve never been allergic to before. Either way, GREAT WAY TO RUIN A RUN - and my whole day. I’m in a bad fucking mood now and don’t want to talk to any of those fuckin’ assholes.

April 26, 8:17 PM

Mon, 26 Apr 2010 23:27:25 -0400

Have I told anyone yet that I’ve been asked to photograph Amanda & Matthew’s wedding this August?
Yes! But now I’m telling the internet.
Amanda asked me not too long ago and I basically sort of lost my mind about it.
I was floored, flattered and now I’m currently at really nervous.
So, what if I take bad photos? I have never been asked to take any pictures for anyone before. It’s all been my own view. I have this fear that I’ll take everything crooked and have the light settings all wrong. That I’ll get everyone with their eyes half-closed. Hahaha. It’d be cute, kinda…(not really)
I’m sure I’ll do the job right. I’m in full focus mode (pun?).
I also just bought a new camera about ten minutes ago and it’s fucking amazing.
I’m gonna take photos that they’re gonna really love.

(also: YAY! People like my pictures!)

April 23, 11:12 AM

Fri, 23 Apr 2010 14:18:00 -0400

Sometimes I wonder that my own romantic capabilities rate at a level of about 3.5 out of 10. I seem to always get matched up with guys (in a natural way, no set-ups) who are just…wow. Romantic.
And know exactly what they want. And can say it all.
Whereas I, smile and stand back a bit…enjoying the view. Not sure what to say or how to say it. This usually happens about four weeks in. This is where things typically start getting weird.
But we’re still hanging out.
I fell asleep on the couch last night after we watched CSI and called a cab at two in the morning.
As the cab driver says, “To sleep in your own bed is to sleep well.”

birthday cake!

Mon, 19 Apr 2010 20:49:18 -0400

birthday cake!

April 18

Mon, 19 Apr 2010 00:36:24 -0400

Peace to Devon Clifford of You Say Party! We Say Die!, who passed away yesterday. Despite the fact I didn’t know him personally, he has affected a huge part of my community and I can feel how deep the loss is.
I’ve been thinking many thoughts toward his friends and family.
A sad time.
Reminds me that I can’t forget I’m living.

a night.

Wed, 14 Apr 2010 01:08:00 -0400

I walked home from the train station feeling like I was going to vomit.
Moments earlier I walked away from someone who took off in a cab while I angrily bought cigarettes - paying with the writing on my hand that stated I loved somebody.
Whatever that meant.
The phone call last night that told me that I didn’t reciprocate the feelings that were professed over and over again, that I was overreacting, that you know, I just like you so much, Heidi.
When I got the flowers at work today I felt mixed up, a slow smile while my cheeks burned with uncertainty. What the hell is this? I found myself thinking, “Fucking flowers.”

April 9, 10:35 AM

Fri, 09 Apr 2010 13:40:00 -0400

I want floor-to-ceiling book shelves and wide, old wood planked floors; bare, with area rugs of bright, happy colours and windows that open wide and stand without curtains.

My friend Kyle posted this link (see below) not so long ago, and it makes me go crazy in a deep desire to buy a house and make it completely, all my own.
Unfortunately my savings account is quite, shall we say, ummm not exactly at the right amount for a down payment.
Ah, well. One day.

Click here. Finn Juhl’s house. or click here.

Turkey vs. Ham

Mon, 05 Apr 2010 16:00:21 -0400

Evan
did you eat turkey yesterday

Heidi
ham! easter is for ham
and it was delicious.

Evan
yeah ham’s alright.

Heidi
no way!

Evan
i like turkey.

Heidi
ham is like, 100% better than turkey

Evan
woah
i seriously can’t believe you just said that

Heidi
really? i can
I mean, I like turkey when I’m eating it or whatever
but I prefer ham. Hands down

Evan
are you pulling my leg? i mean, hams ok but seriously turkey is better. you’re wrong.

Heidi
no, I’m not wrong. I’m right. Turkey tastes like dirt and nothingness, like the turkeys are fed dirt pellets mixed with sawdust
even when the turkey is cooked to perfection, I am still like, “this is ok.” even when the turkey is free range and grain-fed, I am still like, “this is ok.”

Evan
ham’s too flavorful. it makes me want to barf. turkey gravy is delicious. and it’s better for you.

Heidi
are you kidding? look at a turkey meal vs a ham meal. okay, with turkey you have the turkey, stuffing AND the gravy, with mashed potatoes and maybe some brussel sprouts or whatever with cheese sauce
with ham, you don’t get gravy or stuffing, you may have scalloped potatoes and salad, with corn and green beans. And never forget the hot mustard

Evan
brussel sprouts are delicious.

Heidi
ham meals are better for you
hands fuckin down
more soluble fibre…still fatty, but less fat

Evan
i’ll admit that the gravy and fixins do add alot of fat and calories to the turkey meal. but i still prefer the flavor overall. hot mustard is a definite plus for ham. but i love gravy so much. i’ll tell you something though, i love ham in sandwiches. just not as a meal in itself.

Heidi
you just said that turkey was better for you!
why don’t you just make a gravy shake if that’s what it is that you like so much?

Evan
turkey by itself is technically better for you, i already admitted that with the fixings it isn’t.

Heidi
yes. maybe.
are you still going to make turkey?

Evan
yeah, i love turkey. sorry, i was just contemplating the idea of a gravy shake.
when you recontextualize gravy in that way, it definitely makes me think twice about what it is i like so much about gravy.
i think i might hate gravy now.

Heidi
it is just fat and cornstarch
which is why I like it, personally. Gravy is one of the best parts of the turkey meal
that and the stuffing
i could pass on everything else

Evan
hmm.. even potatoes? personally, my favorite thing with turkey is a type of german noodle, called spaetzle. i will try and make some when i make a turkey
we can listen to polka music while we eat

Heidi
what is in the noodle dish?
flour and butter?
ha, haa.

Evan
that’s basically it. but i swear, it’s delicious. even though it kind of tastes like nothing. once again, thank you gravy

Heidi
I can’t wait to eat one of your dinners.
I am never going to lose any weight, I’m sure of it

Evan
everything on the plate will either be brown or cream colored

April 5th, 12:16 PM

Mon, 05 Apr 2010 15:52:01 -0400

Easter Monday!
I ate enough food yesterday to probably hold me over through today.
Dinner at my aunt’s was mostly a success, she made some really wonderful food (ham was perfect!) including green beans with bread crumbs that is my favourite side dish of all time.
I made the chocolate stout cake and everyone loved it - or at least, they said they did. I have this weird complex (which I think comes from being the youngest child) that makes me think that everyone is saying things I do are good just to please me, giving me the false hope that I am actually good at something. This problem I have isn’t as bad as it used to be, but obviously I have some of it lingering in the back of my mind. Also, I think the cake should have been baked for five less minutes, and then everything would have been perfect.
The ganache was nice.
My cousin, however, was having an ‘intense’ day and was saying more inappropriate and annoying things than usual. His racist comments were echoing off the walls - we did the usual ‘ignore’ tactic, but he was just too overbearing at times and eventually it got to the point of not wanting to say anything at all in fear of him turning the most simple statement into something that would make everyone feel uncomfortable.
Such is a family dinner.
I did wake up yesterday to see a message from Sean telling me to look in the bathtub, where he strategically placed two lovely easter eggs.
So that was pretty nice.

April 2nd, 5:51 PM

Fri, 02 Apr 2010 20:53:10 -0400

I just made the fucking meal of my life.
The best eggs I’ve ever poached, slices of avocado, a whole tomato sliced n’ fried, some greens and a piece of grainy toast with butter. Lots of fresh ground pepper n’ some salt. I feel AMAZING!
Wish I took a picture…sadly, all that lovely food is in my tummy.
I bought running gear today (for the rain & wind we’ve been having) and it’s surprising how proper gear actually helps your body to function better. It also gives you reason to get some exercise, ‘cause you know you just dropped some cash and you have to use the garments enough times to justify the hole in your wallet.
Now I’m off to drink some yummy beer with a nice handsome fellow.

April 1st, 9:07 AM

Thu, 01 Apr 2010 12:13:00 -0400

I remember when it was April Fools Day in elementary school - we’d have our tricks planned out and we would carefully (or quite poorly) execute them throughout the day…or at least until noon, because the rules were that you could ‘celebrate’ April Fools up until lunch time and then it was over. So I guess it was kinda ‘April Fool’s Morning’.

Lucky for me, today I was woken up at 7:24 to the sounds of construction.
Joke’s on them, ‘cause I’m still at home drinking coffee and eating fresh-baked muffins, while they’re putting shingles on a fucking roof.

I might actually take this opportunity to get some shopping done…I’m making a chocolate stout cake (recipe found from a link on one of A’s blogs, and this cake is apparently the cake of cakes) for Easter dinner on Sunday, and I have to get a bundt pan…and this way I can sleep in tomorrow.

Hey, what’s happening?I’ve got something good (Scottish) going on.That’s...

Thu, 01 Apr 2010 04:29:35 -0400

Hey, what’s happening?
I’ve got something good (Scottish) going on.
That’s all.

Love, me.

March 26 2010, 2:55 PM

Fri, 26 Mar 2010 17:57:16 -0400

If I were to be anything else in the world, I think I would be an evening breeze.

Photo

Fri, 26 Mar 2010 14:17:47 -0400